There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
