just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
