my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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