shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
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