lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
