then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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