they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
