Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
