cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
