Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
