at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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