Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
