i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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