census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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