My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
