i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
