Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
