If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
