And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
