So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
