Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize