im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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