i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
