you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
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