tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
