Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I deserve this hangover.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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