Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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