This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
