conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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