upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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