No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
