UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
