the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
