I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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