It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
