Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
