using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
