You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
this just has baby written all over it
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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