a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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