in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
