I think i sorta joined a cult last night
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
