If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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