Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
