Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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