That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
