My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
