I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
