worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
