were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I didn't notice because vodka
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
