drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
