look no pants
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
