I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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