So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
