is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
