I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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