Nicole vs. Life
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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