We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
