At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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