threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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