i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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