Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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