I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He did a backflip because drugs
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
