peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
