awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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