i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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